Resignation letter of Paul Kim, Founder of JMS in America
Dear Ms,
I would like to inform you that I'm leaving the JMS providence. Really it is very difficult for me to decide to quit working at the JMS providence. However, I am firmly determined to get out of the JMS, according to the will of God. This reminds me of the same situation as I joined the JMS after making a decision to part from the Christianity 23 years ago. I have learned and realized from Jung, Myung Suk SSN a lot of many good things with which Christianity could not have provided me. I'm sure that Jung SSN has been sent from the God for this time period. But he has crooked the way of the heavenly providence, through going along the wrong direction and through misunderstanding-actually he follows the wrong interpretation- the true revelation from the God. At the present time, as one of earlier followers who devoted themselves to SSN, I repent that I have not accompanied and directed him properly since I met him 23 years ago. Even I have sinned against the God, by walking along the wrong way as a corrupted pastor. I'm lamenting bitterly these things.
Whenever we think of SSN, we just believe that whatever he has done is always right. Is it true, do you think? Jung SSN has human nature as well as divine nature. We heard many times in his message that he was rebuked by Jesus and God because he was wrong. We should exactly know SSN himself. That's why we can run God's providence correctly with him because providence comes from God not a human being.
I'm sure that the women's problem of SSN is not the will of God. Never those are the heavenly direction. Right now I couldn't express publicly the real facts of SSN's scandals because those are too lewd for us to refer them in both spoken and written. I'd not want to hide those facts anymore from all of us as well as the almighty living God. In the past, surely, I had strong belief in which SSN's behavior on the above women could be induced from the God's will. After having realized the reasonable principle(ìµöÈ-rhichi) of God, I deeply understand that I made a mistake-what I regarded SSN's touching girls as a necessary process of salvation. I really want to discuss this issue thoroughly if you would like to do any time with your open mind, declaring that such problem will be solved only to know the reasonable principle of God.
At this point, I confess that I acknowledge the JMS providence, still. I'm not denying the JMS itself. (One more time, I am not a Anti-JMS.) I still believe that Jung SSN as well as Rev. Moon is the one who was sent by God. However, I clarify that I will run God's providence continuously in the different way and I am not going to join in the unification church. I would like to recommend you to search for the Unification Church . (The early members of JMS providence-from 1980 to 1984- had already learned about the Unification Church completely. Jung SSN had allowed us to study 'Divine Principle' and join its various activities.) Consequently, we should find out how our past providence has made its wrong way and what wrongdoing our present providence has done since then. If you ask unification church member about JMS they don't know their future providence, JMS because they don't know about their past history. Unification church and JMS could not be unified according to God's will because they don't know the flow of God's providence. It was a big mistake in the God's providence.
The providence of JMS will continue as the providence of Judaism,
Christianity and Unification Church has continued in this world with their own respective history. But we should study how the God's providence has developed from the past to the present in order to run correctly before the God of the providence.
I hope you ponder and pray whether this JMS providence you have chosen is going to right direction or not. Never fail to depend on your reasonable principle from the God to ascertain where you should be at this time. I had a personal opportunity to do that a few years ago. The news that the father of ex MS, Mr. Kim Do-Hyung who aggressively and vehemently has defied against the JMS fell a victim to terrorism served me as a momentum to realize that this JMS lost its direction. Even though many early devoted, passionate members of the JMS providence left SSN in 1999, I have remained in this providence, receiving graceful messages from SSN. However, when I heard that Mr. Kim's father was attacked by the present JMS leaders, I was forced to ponder thoroughly who I was, reflecting on myself. It has happened since I realized that it was I and all of JMS who attacked the father with the cruel terrorism. Since then I earnestly started to review my faith and JMS. Fortunately, God has guided me to know, to check, and to study the Bible and the God's providence until now. As a result of them I declare to make a decision on leaving JMS.
I do not want you to leave JMS at all because it is good if you grow and receive God's grace in JMS. You might judge me according to your thought as you see, hear, and feel. I ask you to respect my decision as I will do your faith and thought. I believe that God gives me the free will to determine whether I would set my faith on the JMS or not. God gives us our own inalienable free will or natural right. I would like to talk to you any time if you want to know more why I have made such a decision. It is time to say Good Bye
Peace be with you.
In God, Paul Kim
Resignation Letter From a Former Providence Leader in U.S.
Hello everyone I hope you are all doing well. I am fine. I have been busy with school and work. I only have 4 classes left before I get my degree and I am pretty happy about that. It only took 8 years…Actually these days I feel a little like Thomas More in the Book "A man for all seasons"
For those of you who don't know Thomas More was a Chancellor in England in 1529. In 1532 King Henry VIII declared himself head church of England undermining papal authority. King Henry did this so that he could grant himself a divorce from his barren wife, remarry his already pregnant mistress so that her child would be the legitimate heir. More was a devout catholic and despite the fact that he was in favor of a divorce he did not agree with separation from the Catholic Church. So he resigned his position as chancellor and refused to take an oath of supremacy stating that Henry was now head of the Church. He couldn't understand why people who had been devout to the pope and to Catholicism did not question the king’s decision. When he did not take the oath he was arrested. More never said anything against the king or the new church, he only refused to take the oath. He felt that taking the oath would nullify his faith in God for the years of his life and he could not actively participate in a religion that was created for political reasons rather than for Heavenly ones. He did not take the oath and remained silent about his feelings about the king but he was still held in prison for treason. Thomas Cromwell, one of the Kings, advisors, was worried that this More's lack of enthusiasm would cause problems and they had to find a way to get rid of him. They could not convict him of treason just because he did not take the oath. So Cromwell along with one other man lied to the court and told them that he had publicly denounced the king's decision (that was considered treason, a crime punishable by death) He kept his true feelings hidden all the time he was in jail and all throughout the trial. He was a man of principal and loyalty. When the church of England failed to remain loyal to God he and the pope that was an indication to him that something had changed and rather than risk telling his true feelings he kept them to himself. There were many who speculated about him but his silence prevented anyone from being absolutely sure. Unfortunately for More the jury believed the lies of the two men and despite his silence the jury found him guilty and More was sentenced to death. Once the guilty verdict was passed More had nothing left to loose he choose that moment to reveal his true feelings. He opened his heart and broke his silence.
(Please do not misunderstand me I do not mean to suggest that any of the characters from the story of Thomas More correspond to members in providence. Nor am I attempting to exalt myself by making a comparison to a saint. While it is possible to fit certain members in American Providence into the story, please understand this is not my intention.)
There has been over the last several months a conscious effort to exclude me from conference calls, group emails, and even the GACP conference. I am not exactly sure why as I have never expressed a desire to be excluded. None the less this is what is happening to me right now. It is harder to participate in things if one does not know they are taking place.
In my experience the first reaction among most of the members to things like this is to shift the responsibility. I am sure that many of you were already thinking about how to do it before you read this part. Some of you will say things like: "he should have called to be more involved or to find out on his own what was going on" to them I would say that I never had to ask before, I never had to call before. In the past people were far to eager to have participation in conference calls, sometimes asking 5 or 6 times for a single region if not present at the start of the call, and sometimes a call was made to them to encourage their participation. I received no phone calls, no emails, and felt as if for some reason I was being excluded. I had not asked to be excluded and in fact I was promised the chance to speak at an upcoming conference call back in August but that never happened. I am aware of some of the rumors going around about me despite my silence. A few months ago I asked one of the leaders if they heard any rumors about me. She told me that she heard that I was "stepping back" from my leadership role. This was a surprise to me, as I had never said anything like that. Somewhere between last August and today people’s ideas about me have changed. Someone’s speculation about me turned into rumor and that rumor became an accusation and a trial was held and I was found guilty despite the fact that I never said anything about "stepping back." So now that the verdict is out and I have nothing to loose I have chosen this moment to open my heart, share my true feelings. I would also like to give notice of my resignation as the minister of the Washington DC region and to announce my decision not to actively participate in providence at this time.
There are many reasons why I have chosen not to participate right now. After recently discovering a lot of the things that go on in providence behind closed doors, some of which S. brought up in his letter, I have realized that providence is overflowing with problems. I doubt that anyone would argue with me on that point. My concern is not that there are problems, my concern is the result of our inability and unwillingness to deal with problems.
Perhaps people are worried that if everyone knew of some of the tings that happen then maybe they would want to leave providence. That is probably true. Then the only way to prevent that is to keep people ignorant of the darker side of providence and keep telling them how great providence is and hope that they never discover the things that some people want to remain hidden. The problem that follows from that logic is that when these people get older and become leaders they are by default exposed to problems and exposed to a darker side that they did not even know existed. Then they begin to realize that their original picture of providence was only a sugar coated topping. At this point what the individual believed providence was is completely shattered. So providence has become divided into three parts. The first layer is the sugar coated topping intended to cover up the problems and other things we don’t like to talk about. The layer beyond sugar coat is the black tar of cult like practices, unintentional brainwashing, aristocratic attitudes, lying, deception, lack of compassion and a lack of genuine love. (Don’t worry I will give examples of these later) The third layer is the core. At the core is everything good about providence. The aims of reuniting man with god and salvation for mankind are contained in the core. Everything that the 30 lessons describes the kingdom of God should be like is in the core. Within the core is everything good about providence.
As Providence as become divided into three parts there are three kinds of people in Providence right now.
1) People who only see the sugar coating – They are a little naïve, happy with their newfound salvation, ready and willing to do anything that is asked of them, willing to give up any thing that they are asked to, willing to sacrifice anything that they are expected to family, school, marriage, career, friends who are not in providence etc. They are willing to give up so much because they believe they have found the kingdom of God and believe that what ever they sacrifice or give up will be given back somehow more abundantly than it was before. They are young in providence and sometimes look down at the older members who do not have the same level of enthusiasm that they do. Deep down inside they can’t understand why anyone would want to leave Providence.
2) Then there are the people who are at the second level- They have grown up and can see beyond the sugar coated topping. They are constantly in conflict with them selves. The source of the conflict is that they believe that providence is the history of God but can’t understand why some of the things happening in providence happen, and they can’t understand the way some people are treated. Another source of conflict comes from the fact that they know things are wrong and desperately want to fix them. Maybe some of them have tried to bring problems to the attention of those in a position to address them but nothing has happened. So they are stuck as problems become worse and there is no foreseeable way to solve them. They know that any attempt to discuss issues may result in the loss of their own reputation and maybe even their position. They are constantly frustrated by the lack of action in addressing problems because deep down inside they know that even if they say something nothing will be done. These people still believe in the core, and in the ideals of providence but because they are mindful of the problems they don’t know how to get there, so they remain in that layer of conflict and frustration unable to go back to the sugar coated topping and unable to get to the core. People can spend years in this level but eventually they will reduce their involvement, choose not to participate or leave providence all together. A person can only live in conflict for so long then they need peace and for the frustration to end and if it means leaving providence to get that peace then that is what they do.
3) Then there are the people in the core.- These people have been able to make it to the core only by ignoring or finding some way to justify the problems that exist. They choose not to focus on the problems and only want to further what they see as the pure Kingdom of God. They don’t want to talk about problems and they don’t want to deal with them. Some of them are frustrated because they cannot understand why others do not live as passionately as they feel they should. The attitude of the most of the people in the core is that we should just do what R tells us and not worry about anything else. They often identify with those in the 1st level and are quick to make examples of them, as the way people should be. They too cannot understand why people leave providence, because some of them have learned to run providence with blinders on so they cannot see the problems that exist. They become angry, upset, and hurt when anyone attempts to remove the blinders and show them things that might take them out of the core. They feel that most people don’t really understand providence and R and attribute all the reasons why people leave providence as a lack of faith, a lack of action, a lack of love for R, etc. They are they kind of people who would, as suggested earlier, attempt to shift responsibility for problems away from providence and focus on the individual who brought them up because they don’t want to see problems that might take them out of the core.
There are some people who exist in more than one of these places simultaneously and are content to live there. But eventually everyone gets is exposed to the second level. It is only a matter of time. Once they get to there they will push forward ignoring or justifying the problems and get to the core or they will remain in the second level for as long as they can endure. Within that second level is a type of self-torture trying to live with the conflict and duality of life in providence. Some people in the second level are able to act as if they are in the core and continue to evangelize and expand the ideals of providence. While this attitude decreases the amount of torture it also prolongs it. When a person is tortured for a long enough time that person will do anything or say anything to end it and if that means that they have to resign, leave providence, or choose not to participate, then that is what they do.
Now as promised I will discuss some of the problems that I have seen.
1) The cult like practices- In our times people are afraid of being involved in cults. Parents warn their children and there are even cult awareness groups on almost every college campus. One day at school I happened to run into a member of one of these awareness groups who was handing out pamphlets referring to typical cult recruiting practices. As I was looking through the different types of techniques I noticed how we have done or are still doing everything that the pamphlet described. I did a little more research on a website dedicated to cult awareness and they had a cult checklist. On the top of this website the heading was something like “how to know if you’re in a cult.” As I looked down the list we met 14 out of the 15 suggested cult-like practices. Many of us have been aware of these things for quite some time but have put them off as a necessary tactics of trying to make providence. The point that I am trying to make is this: We tell people when we teach the thirty lessons that they should check what they hear, and even the bible warns us as well not to just accept everything. If everyone did check everything about providence it would not take him or her very long to determine that we are a cult. (I don’t mean that we are I mean that they would think so) And they would either leave or choose not to study further. I believe that people are smarter than we think they are. In providence we develop an aristocratic attitude (I will go into that in more detail in a minute) and some of us believe that we are better, smarter, more intelligent than the average person. While in some cases this may be true in most it is not. Really intelligent people, who do not need additional friends, can take one look at providence, (both the secular version and the religious) and see that we are different. (When I say different I mean weird, strange, and abnormal not different in a heavenly sense) So the only people we can evangelize are people who may not be as intelligent as others, who are a little naïve, or people who are looking for friends. I am only going to talk about the intelligent person looking for friends to discuss each one would make this letter much longer than it is already. The intelligent person looking for friends is probably the category that most people come from. They are lonely and they are more easily able to dismiss some of the things that others would find strange because of their desire for friendship. That dismissal is the set up for the next problem the unintentional brainwashing.
2) Unintentional Brainwashing – (By calling it unintentional I am giving the benefit of the doubt in hopes that no one designed providence to be this way.) Whenever someone becomes part of a new group, be it a new job, a new school, or a new group of friends there exists within that person a desire to fit in. The hypothetical person discussed in the previous paragraph has already dismissed some of the things he finds strange partially because he wants to fit in. Once they begin to justify things that others may consider strange they look to the group to determine acceptable and unacceptable behavior. The most important factor in this brainwashing is praise. The person hears things of praise from the pastor about people who have dedicated their life to providence or praise about this other person who evangelized so many people. They realize that if they want to be successful, if they want to be praised, if they want to fit in, then they have to dedicate their life to providence, or try to evangelize as many people as they can. (Please don’t misunderstand me I do not mean to take the divinity out of anything I have seen people evangelize without the heart of doing it for God, i.e. to get a free trip to Korea) The desire to fit in opens up the path to let the group do the thinking for them. After that then the individual looses the ability to think for themselves. Once that happens they will do what ever they are told without question, they act immediately sometimes without fully understanding what it is they are supposed to be doing. This is the expected path when people come to providence. In fact when newcomers don’t do this people get angry and upset. For example when B., F. and O. came to Providence they had their own group and did not have as much of a desire to “fit in”. They pointed out things that they thought were strange from the very beginning much to the disappointment and frustration of some of the leaders at the time who could not use them as examples for the next generation. If you don’t believe me just remember (if you were there) how happy you were after B. cut his hair and dressed in a suit for Sunday service, in addition to the fact that it was a positive change, it was a confirmation to everyone that he had finally become “one of us.” After the person looses their ability to think for them selves and participate in the expected group think ideals, this person receives a “mission” which is something to make them feel important. This same tactic was used to keep people from leaving providence, i.e. making someone a minister. (that is not the case for all ministers just for some) Once they feel important they are committed to fulfilling their mission to maintain that sense of importance among the others. Then he or she becomes the person to praise for the next generation. And the cycle goes on and on. Producing people who have lost the ability think for themselves and loose their mind to this thing we call Providence.
3) Aristocratic attitudes- once a person develops that feeling of importance then ordinary people (ms and non-ms alike) become smaller. They feel that they are better than other people because of their mission, title, or accomplishments. This attitude eventually leads to arrogance and a feeling of superiority over those who have no mission, no title, and no accomplishments. If these people’s authority is threatened or questioned they are usually quick to respond to their opponent with the question “what have you done?” Because if the person questioning has few or little known accomplishments the “superior” person’s authority on an issue is reestablished. In addition to the standard aristocratic attitudes there exists a Korean Aristocracy. A belief among some Koreans (not all only some) that Americans are lower than Koreans in terms of spiritual understanding, and that Americans don’t really understand providence. Unfortunately I have no evidence of that besides my own experience, but I know that other people feel the same way. Some have suggested that the Americans take charge of running American providence. However so many of the American leaders are in the second level and have become so burnt out trying to maintain their own faith they have no desire to be in charge of the whole country. So where do we go from here? One Korean leader in American providence told me that they do not like Americans. Needless to say I was shocked to hear that. And wanted to ask the question “What are you doing here” Maybe this person is just trying to look good in front of R, I don’t really know. Trying to look good in front of R is a common theme among the aristocrats. Some of them only care about that. (There is also another kind of a side note attached to this theory. Some members in providence develop a very unique combination of an inferiority and superiority complex. In providence we believe that because of the word that somehow we are better than ordinary people. However, within providence the use of guilt as a motivating factor has given some people the idea that they will never be as good as others, and that no matter what they do they will never be able to pray enough, read the bible enough, and never be able to know the word enough. So in comparison to the outside world this person feels superior but in comparison to the people inside providence feels they always will be inferior to some of the others. Some people do feel that they do read the bible enough, that they pray enough and know the word enough, but they become arrogant about it and that compounds the problem among those who feel inferior. Years of feeling like this may have negative psychological effects on the individual for the rest of his or her life. The effect of this is the person will cease to act like a normal person.)
4) I will not talk about lying and deception I think that most of us have enough experience in that that I do not need to go into that. So I will go into the lack of compassion and lack of genuine love. From the time we are young and in Sunday school we have been told that God’s love in unconditional. We have heard that for most of our lives. We even teach that in the thirty lessons. The love we have for each other in providence however is very conditional. The conditions through which we are able to turn off the love for another individual is based on how we believe their faith is. If there is even a hint that a person’s faith may be wavering we can turn it off. While this may not be true for all I know that it is true for many. For example, when I first came to providence I asked one of the leaders what do we do about someone who left providence, I was wondering what steps do we take to try and save them. This leader’s response was “we don’t think very highly of people who leave providence.” Needless to say as a new MS I was a little surprised by the contempt the leader showed to that person. A few months later when this individual came back to providence the leader I asked the question was all smiles and happy to and was one of the first to hug this person. As if the switch was turned back on. I remember thinking how strange that was but I dismissed it. Another example when A. was going through his difficulties and wanted to come back to providence. One leader called me and told me how shocked he was that A. had come back to church. This person later spoke to K. MSN and complained how wrong it was. Then MSN called me and told me that A. has to stop coming to church and thus he was kicked out. The leader who had made the call to MSN later apologized to A. and told him that he really shouldn’t have been involved, apparently he was able to turn his switch back on after all. There are many more examples I could share but I believe that two is enough. As far as the lack of compassion, that is a more personal example that I will discuss only if asked.
The really sad part about this is that these are only the major problems that I am aware of, there could be many more that as S. so eloquently put have been swept under the rug. Now that I more aware of the problems my conscious will not let me evangelize. In other words I cannot, being consciously aware of these problems, continue in efforts to bring people to providence so long as these problems exist. I could not show a new person the sugar-coated topping and to discuss the problems with them would surely scare them away. Neither can new people go directly to the core. If the core existed by its self then new people could go directly but as long as we sweep problems under the rug the core will always be surrounded by the waste product of our inaction, inability, and unwillingness to deal with problems. It is a direct result of that waste product that so many leaders have left providence especially over the last few years.
Another reason people have left is because of what is now happening to me. After a certain number of years people regain their ability to think for themselves, especially if separated from the group, and begin to question things. If their opinion is different than the groupthink that exists then efforts are made to eliminate that opinion from the discussion table. What happens next is very curious. The reason it is curious is because we are taught that a situation where someone feels left out is dangerous and should be avoided. We are even taught that feeling left out was partially if not entirely the cause of the fall. And yet excluding people and leaving people out is being done to people intentionally! The exact same thing happened to D. in Boston. I member talking to him when this first started to happen to him. He told me that he was not receiving any of the emails of upcoming conference calls, yet his name was still being called when the moderator was taking attendance! Was this to give the impression that he was excluding him self? Was this to influence other people’s ideas about him? I wonder Is my name still being called for attendance? I don’t know, like I said it is curious. When this was happening I continued to send D. emails of upcoming conference calls and leaders education memos that he was not receiving. Weather he participated in the calls after that I don’t know, but no one wants to be somewhere when it is obvious that they are not wanted. Many people don’t share their opinion because the price they have to pay is too high.
America is a place where individual liberties and feelings must be expressed. The feelings of the individual is such an important concept in America that a jury can not come to a verdict if even one person disagrees with the rest. These ideas, I don’t believe, are part of the Asian values that our providence culture is based on. In Asia it seems (please correct me if I am wrong) that individual feelings don’t matter as much, that the group takes importance over the individual. So if an individual has a problem or an opinion that differs from the group it is easy to cut that person off so the group can go on and things do go on as if that person was never there. In order for any organization to be successful in America it must encompass, project, and encourage this most basic of American values. As yet we have not done that.
Some would argue that all of these problems are a result of the grave period that everything will be fine once the grave period is over. In truth most of the things discussed in this letter were prevalent long before 1999. I have personally viewed the grave period as a “halftime.” Within that 30 minutes the team gets a chance to rest and analyze how they can do better in the second half. There is one crucial part to half time and that is to go over the mistakes, problems and failures of the 1st half. If the coach fails to do that than no matter what new game plan is going to be implemented it will fail. If the problems of the first half continue to plague the team in the second half then despite the new game plan the result will be the same the team will loose. If this is the case than I would say that we have gravely misused our time and the second half is about to start and we have fixed nothing, we have discussed nothing, and the team does not seem as motivated as it once was.
Others may question my motives and think that I am trying to destroy providence. I assure you that the only reason I am writing this is to explain the reasons I have for resigning. I am not trying to disrupt the flow of God’s history, nor am I suggesting that others resign. I am only saying that Providence needs to be drastically restructured in order for God’s history to be successful.
As for Excel or GACP here is a piece of an unfinished letter that I wrote last August that describes my feelings:
The problems I have with Excel
At the leaders council in February of 2000 everyone agreed that the
purpose of Providence is that of salvation. How does excel fulfill that
purpose? If it is fulfilling that purpose How?
If it is not then why are we doing it?
If the purpose is to gather people so they can meet R than what about those people who are in excel but cannot meet him. What about those people who don't understand him. And don't want to meet him? (*) Are they left off to the side? Are they denied "salvation" because they don't have enough money to go to Hawaii,
Europe or Korea?
(*) The reason people wouldn't understand about R is because we don't
treat him as a regular person and he doesn't act like a regular person
when he is around non-MS. For example, when he was putting on his
cleats at the Hawaii event he stood up looked at an MS and pointed to his
untied cleats, the MS proceeded to bend down and tie them. This happened
in front of non-MS who did not understand and thought that was weird.
Another example, (I am going to be brutally honest). When R was playing the
drums on the soccer field people crowded around him and clapped whenever he stopped playing. R's
playing was not that good, Chad is a better drummer than R. but people
clapped and yelled and screamed as if it was the best thing they ever
heard. R had girls bringing him special food and people following him
around with an umbrella. To people not in providence these things are and will
always be strange and if I were a new excel member I would not
want any part of it. Some of the excel people who came from another
region thought that we were all brainwashed. We expect people to
automatically understand these things, or at the very least accept them.
The system that exists will only allow people who are naïve and looking for friends
to accept what they see. Some of the European players made fun of the fact that
no one blocked R during soccer games. Someone who was just at the park that day
thought we were Moonies. If we don't treat R as a regular person then people
will always think that we are strange and that is why people would not understand
R or some of the things that we do for him.
If they don't understand why so many people are crowing around the
president of an organization and see the organization itself as weird
then what happens to them? Are they left drowning so that we can go
after the bigger, more important, elite people? And these elite that may or may
not come to providence, if they meet R but do not study the word what happens?
What happens when we have this huge organization with lots of elite and
ordinary people and all of our time is spent planning events and trying
to maintain members who are interested in world peace but not in
religion?
Have we given up on salvation?
Please don't misunderstand me I fully believe that excel can be a benefit
to the world and is some small way may be a step towards world peace but
if salvation is not involved why are we putting so much time into it?
If your first reaction is to say any of the following
a) Because R told us to
b) Because it is the will of God
c) Because this is providence now
Then I would ask
a) Why is R telling us to do this?
b & c) This method puts God in the background and how can man become
God's counterpart if God is not in the foreground? Why would that be the
will of God? Has God determined that man will never be his counter part
and that he is willing to settle for world peace?
("Even if my children don't love me at least I will be happy if they
get along with each other")
Is this God's attitude right now?
I can no longer act in a mindless fashion and just do what ever I am
told with out knowing why. We have never liked it when people question.
We have also shunned and excommunicated people who have tried to express
their opinion. In the 30 lessons we teach that in other religions they
are told to just believe, and not to question and we also tell them that
is wrong. There is a touch of hypocrisy there as we are guilty of the same practice.
In the past when ever R told us to do something we just jumped and did it, we
did not always consider the steps necessary to achieve the goal we just aimed and
shot sometimes we hit our mark, but most of the time we didn't. I choose to question
and consider carefully the potential benefit and possible
consequences of putting forth so much time and effort into an organization with
no clear heavenly objective.
People have accused me of being negative, well I am sorry that they
perceive me in that way but, this is the attitude I have when I need to be critical
about things. People may perceive that as negative only because they have never
seen that side of me before.
As you can see much of the logic in that letter I have used in this letter. I heard that the members of GACP will marry each other as members in providence have. That just screams cult. Without the religious aspects of providence how is that going to work? What happens when two members of the GACP who have not studied the word meet, and have a relationship? Will we tell them that they have to break up? Will we kick them out? With out the religious aspects it is impossible to control, it is difficult enough to control even with the religious aspects. What happens when an MS meets and wants to marry a member of the GACP? Do they have permission outright? If not, who do they have to ask? What happens to the purpose of creation in that situation? What happens to the children if the partner is not centered on God? I have heard that there is a special committee who has the task of secularizing the thirty lessons. Maybe that will solve all the questions I just raised. But if the club is secularized and the thirty lessons are secularized, where does salvation fit in? Where does God come in? Is God content to sit on the sidelines, or stand in the back of the room and wait (hope) for someone to notice him?
Some may question my faith and perhaps say that J. has lost faith. What I have lost is not faith but hope. I write this believing that nothing will be done as a result of it. Others have tried to make changes and they were ridiculed, ignored, discredited and left behind but they stood up for what they believed in I will always respect them for that. I too have chosen this path to stand up for the things that I believe need to be changed knowing full well of the possible consequences. I may be discredited, excommunicated, or ignored but I will have the peace of mind to know that said things that nobody wanted to say but that desperately needed to be said. And if people still question my faith then I would say let this letter of concern about the success of God’s History serve as a testimony to my faith. A few months ago a leader called me and told me that I need to “shape up” soon before God decides to judge America. To that person and to those who think the same way I will say that if I am to be judged let me be judged by my conscious.
In saying these things I realize I might have offended some people especially those who are mentioned in the examples. I apologize to those I have offended but let your offence serve among the many other sacrifices you have made over the years and look to change and to solutions. It has been my experience that those who feel the most offended are the ones that the letter is really speaking to.
If you want to send hateful emails of criticism, be my guest. If you want to pick apart this letter and refute it point by point, by all means. If you wish to ask me “what have you done” go ahead. If you wish to call me a joke, that is within you rights. Like I said I am speaking from my heart and please realize that I too have been in that second level ever since I came to Washington D.C. and despite all of the meetings, conference calls, and emails still nothing has changed. My participation is such a system is in a way condoning that system and I can’t do that anymore.
It is sad when someone who was as dedicated as I was, who was the hard worker that I was, and truly believed as I did that providence was something that everyone needed to hear decides to take himself out of the game because the team can’t communicate. It is sad when a man who has lived his life for 81/2 years serving in the best way he could, taking on every responsibility asked of him even some he was not ready for, is excluded for sharing his opinion. It is sad when a man chooses to step away from something that has brought him so much joy and happiness, because he refuses to live in ignorance.
As I look back I think about the people who have left Providence and I can’t help but wonder if what is happening to me has happened to them. Were they ignored and cut off, and others told lies about them? I think about all the good people who have stepped downed, resigned, or have left providence all together. People like K., B., S., P., A., D., and I wonder if I will ever know what really happened. Did they have an opinion that was different? Did they question things that some people don’t want questioned? I may never know but I will not judge them, and I cannot simplistically say that they just lost faith. How many more people will it take before something is changed for the better? How many more people have to be chewed up and spit out before some people will see the need for change?
It is a truly sad thing that is happening in the History of God.
There are a few other things I have to say so that I will not be judged too harshly by some of you. I am not married, I do not have a girlfriend, and I have remained celibate as the word describes. I only say that so that no one can attribute my feelings to some strange curse that has fallen over the east coast and specifically Washington DC. As for my future, I am uncertain. There are many good job opportunities here but I also desperately miss my family and would like to be closer to them. So who knows where I will go from here. But where ever I go those closest to me will always know how to get in contact with me.
Please understand I still believe in the core and the ideals of providence but I can’t participate in and further the duality that exists and ignore the problems. The aristocratic people in the core are already hard at work to either justify, or give reasons for some of the issues I brought up. The people struggling in the second level may see this letter (or at least parts of it) as a relief that someone put into words some of the things that they have been feeling. The people who only see the sugar coated topping will never see this letter, because most people will feel that it is far too dangerous that these problems be exposed to them so abruptly and so blatantly. So what happens now? How will people react to this? How will I be remembered? I don’t know. The issues I brought up will probably be swept under the rug and after a few months people will probably forget that this letter exists at all. (Just like S.’s letter) Things will probably continue in the exact same way they always have. The revolving door of people coming in and people leaving will continue to spin and the core may never exist on its own.
I am not trying to rally support for a specific point of view, like I said I am sharing my heart. In doing so I realize that I may have lost any credibility I may have had left, so now I am going sit along the sidelines and wait, hope and pray that God’s History will be successful.
God Bless You All
J., fmr. Minister of the Washington DC region.
Another Resignation Letter. July 25, 2006.
To All in ____________and (American) Providence:
You all may have wondered what has become of me. Many leaders even had their personal talks with me as they sensed that I was distancing myself from Providence members and activities over the past year or so. As I tried to explain to them, I have gone through a time of great self-discovery and can no longer remain in the "status quo" of Providence under an obligatory structure.
Much has transpired in my life over the years in Providence. I have experience many things and have seen many people come and go through its doors. Each person had a good and pure heart, that is why they came in the first place. Each left with a story. But no one will ever know their true stories because it is against the unspoken Providence "Code." I write this, recalling the others that have taken this path before me. And I wonder how many more M.S. even now are contemplating it but have yet to take this step. For it is only a matter of time before one realizes his true persona, values and belief system. Many others before me have called upon the Providence structure to examine itself honestly for what it is. But their calls were immediately silenced or discredited, to the further determinant of Providence.
Some may wonder if I have lost my faith. To this, I say emphatically, "No". If anything, I have come to understand God's unconditional love and grace now more than ever. Everyday I seek to know Him more.
I will be returning next month to my roots in __________________ to see what God has planned for me there. I am taking with me all the good experiences I have had over the years. Please be clear that I have no ill feelings toward any of you.
May God direct you all to "whatsoever is good, whatsoever is honest, whatsoever is true."
Sincerely,
American Providence Ex-Member Testimony. Feb. 29, 2008
Hi everyone,
I noticed that there are not a lot of testimonies from American Providence ex-members. I was one of their more recent recruits, and now I am one of their most recent ex-members. The former member testimonies really helped me, so I will add my story to help those who face the decision that I faced.
A few months ago in California State University Long Beach, I was invited to a Bible study by two Providence members. I agreed, thinking it was a Christian Bible study. What they taught and some of the things they said seemed fishy at first, but once I accepted their way of interpreting the Bible, my fate was sealed. When they taught me that Jung ("SSN") was the Messiah, I had doubts, but after dismantling the foundations of Christianity with Providence logic (everything in the Bible that contradicts Jung's teachings must be reinterpreted to follow Jung's teachings), they convinced me to join Providence.
I joined right before vacation, and when I started school a month later I began the Providence lifestyle: 4 a.m. morning prayer, morning messages, soccer practice, missions, etc. I went through what most other Providence members go through: emotional highs and lows, a feeling of inadequacy, superiority over those outside Providence, stress, guilt, always feeling like I'm not working hard enough, etc. It took me about a week to realize that something was wrong. I finally ignored their warnings and visited this site, and looking through the information and testimonies, I concluded that I had spent the last five weeks in a cult following an Antichrist. I left Providence, and contrary to Jung's warning of sure damnation of my soul, I am happier than ever, and my faith in the real Savior, Jesus Christ, is even stronger than before. I can spend time with my family and hang out with my non-Providence friends. I can sleep eight hours a day and eat instant noodles once in a while.
I learned some life lessons the hard way, but I believe God has a purpose for it all. If I can help one person stay away from this group or get out, then it will have been worth it. In my opinion, Jung is wrong and he is not the Messiah, and there is more than enough information on this site to prove that. I wish the best to anyone who hears the Providence teaching and struggles to know the truth. Many have faced the same struggle, and whatever decision you make, at least now you have heard the "stupid, lying weeds'" side of the story.
P.S. If you have any questions and would like to contact me, you can email me at sheepgate@live.com
Additional post. August 13, 2008
Well, I've noticed that several Providence members have blogs, in which they promote and defend Jung and their teachings (and in some cases insult members on this board). So here's a blog for the other point of view on Providence:
http://providencetruth.blogspot.com/ (Updated Feb. 24, 2009)
I plan on examining Providence doctrine, refuting the 30 lessons, answering those providencetrial.com articles, etc. Hopefully in time it can become a useful resource to reveal the theological and doctrinal flaws of Jung's teachings. With the rape conviction now a fact, perhaps current members trying to make sense of things will also benefit.
Re: American Providence Ex-Member Testimony. April 28, 2008.
Hey all, I just signed on to this site today, but I've been reading these forums regularly for a while. I find a lot of the news here to be very interesting and even entertaining at times. Thanks for providing a great site Peter!
Wow sheepgate... just like scarlett said, you are very fortunate to get out as quickly as you did. Nice job keeping your faith too!
It took me several years to get outa there. Life is definitely better in the real world. Just like you, I love getting a full nights sleep, and its nice to eat whatever I want without someone "reporting" me to the leaders. Of course its more commonly known as ratting or taddle-tailing. I don't really like instant noodles, but while I was an MS, I did prefer to keep my own diet the way I liked it. Am I going to hell for that? I don't think so! There were tons of other little things that bugged me over time while I was in Providence and eventually added up to my leaving... The silly rituals, childish activities, numerous mandatory missions, sleep deprivation, controlled diet, meaningless rebuke, guilt trips, poor leadership, and meetings after meetings after meetings. Oh yeah, and the whole false messiah thing got ridiculous. The voice/video messages got redundant. Being told to wave at the video screen as if he could actually see us. Watching SSN dressed in an all white suit try to conduct the music (which was prerecorded anyways) and then pretending we're so impressed with his skills as he waves his conductor's wand around like a jackass. So much valuable time was wasted.
I knew about the rape charges but choose to believe the propaganda they filled me with. "Its part of the trials and tribulations of Providence" etc.. and I was told people who leave on news like that are "weak spirited" or "weeds". I was just looking to find some spirituality in life. When I first joined, I was in college searching for a way to 'better myself' and looking for a modern church with people my own age. When I got invited, I was initially attracted by how everyone was so nice and happy, and how they were all so complimenting and seemed interested in me. I felt accepted. The Bible study lessons were interesting and it also didn't hurt that there were lots of cute Asian chicks. But once I was brainwashed it all changed. I became a tool. I was used for every little job they could think up.
I thank God to have my life back now. I'm doing WAY better now than if I stayed with the group. I can't help but wonder how some of the people I knew in there are doing nowadays, especially the ones who had the arranged marriages (aka: blessing ceremonies) I can't imagine being told who I can or can't marry by some Korean man I've never met in person, yet when I was taught about the blessing ceremonies it all made perfect sense, along with so many other warped teachings they had. Let it be known that nobody in the church is really a 'bad person' - its just a bad place to be. There are so many unfortunate circumstances and rules to abide by as an MS. I used to say that I'd rather die than leave the church. I'm out now, but I still love God with all my heart. That never changed. Something to think about.
An interesting personal lesson that I learned as I left was the meaning of TRUE FRIENDSHIP. A true friend will stand by you non-conditionally, even in hard times and regardless of what church you go to, if any. During the long process of removing myself from the weekly services and slowly making myself disappear from Providence, there was quite a few times when they tried to counsel me into coming back, but once I was definitely gone the change was instant. I was surprised to see how quickly the people who I thought were my close friends wrote me off. No doubt they were instructed by the church leader to let me go or else I might try to pull them out with me. I recall watching other people leave while I was a strong MS and being instructed not to chase after them or try talking to them, but to pray for their return. I'm lucky to still have REAL friends on the outside who stand by me no matter what I do, and a nice family who always welcomes me with open arms.
To anyone who is still in Providence and reading this, please be safe and careful... and get yourself OUT!!!
I have plenty more stories I'd be happy to share in detail later.
Beyond Faith and Fear: Why it's so hard to leave Providence. Sept. 1, 2008
I’ve been meaning to post on this site for a long time. I’ve been reading it for many years now and I am glad that this resource exists. I was amazed by Peter’s story of how this site started and your early introduction to JMS.
And I have said this to you before Peter, but again thank you.
I was thinking yesterday about the role that providence fulfills in the lives of it’s members. I was trying to think of the things that are outside of faith and fear that keep someone in providence. Then I stumbled onto this theory about human needs and came to the realization that there are many more internal, subconscious processes that keep someone in providence than just faith in JMS or believing the word. This is the part where I get on my soap box…
There exists in every human being some basic needs that have to be fulfilled, particularly I am speaking about Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs. I won’t go into too much detail but there are basically 5 levels of needs.
The first level is the physiological: breathing, food, water, sleep, sex etc.
The next level up is safety/ security of the body; things like: health, personal security, having a job and perhaps the confidence that comes from knowing that your needs in the first level are being met.
The third level is love and belonging; friendship, support, all the things you would expect to find in a loving family.
The next level is esteem: respect for self and others, the idea of making a contribution to something and being valued for it.
The final level is deemed self-actualization or transcendence, the idea or notion growing to be more than what you are, and perhaps the notion of having a purpose or a goal for your life. When all the other needs are being met this need becomes the motivating factor of one’s life. In other words, when you don’t have to worry about any of the others fulfilling the final need is the only thing that matters.
When all of these needs are being met, there is a certain satisfaction that exists. Providence satisfies most of these needs, with the exception of the physiological needs, it has really got the others taken care of.
Saftey/ security needs – “God will take care of me” One may not have a job, or know exactly where the next meal is coming from but the belief exits that: as long as I am doing what I am supposed to be doing, i.e. pray, read the bible, evangelizing, morning message, singing, teaching, etc. that God will take care of everything else.
Love/ belonging needs – One of the things that everyone says in the beginning when first introduced to providence is how nice everyone is and for the most part this is true. Providence apart from everything else can be a very loving, accepting, and often times fun place to be. You get that feeling that you belong to something. But again you only get this need fulfilled if you are doing everything you are supposed to be doing.
Esteem needs – What greater level of esteem can one have than being chosen by God to fulfill his will on earth. The belief that the contribution one is making is of the highest level… constructing God’s kingdom on earth.
Transcendence needs – The notion of growth, being better than what you are, and having a purpose for your life this is, in a sense, what providence is all about.
Imagine what it must be like to feel like you don’t really need anything, to attain that level of life satisfaction. It is almost euphoric, and all you have to do to feel this way is: read the bible, evangelize, attend morning message and Sunday service, sing, teach, and pray. The flip side is that feeling is artificial, and there is a part of you however microscopic that knows that it is not entirely real.
So what does this mean for current members? It means that they ignore that little voice inside them that tells them that something might be wrong because everything else feels right. Human beings are not always aware of these feelings, I think most of this thought process happens subconsciously. The only conscious thought given to these feelings of satisfaction are: “I feel the way I feel because of providence and JMS”
What does this mean for former members, well for me it meant several months of coping, trying to understand what happened and where do I go from here. There is this awful lost kind of feeling as a result of the various human needs not being fulfilled, you loose the family and security needs, your sense of belonging to something and contributing to a greater purpose is gone and you end up with a lot of displaced passion. The waking up process, finally leaving the cave (see Plato’s Allegory of the Cave) is extremely uncomfortable, but after a while your eyes adjust and you can see it for what it really is. Only at this point do you fully realize that you made the right decision.
I believe that the realization that something is wrong with providence comes fairly easily to current members, though they will never admit it. The difficult part is what to do about it. It is not always easy to listen to that little voice. We have this innate sense of right and wrong, a conscious if you will and when I got to the point that my conscious and providence were no longer on common ground I tried to live with it for a while, as most of us did, but in the end the dissonance was too much.
Cognitive Dissonance is another psychological term that is most easily described as the discomfort that comes from holding on to two contradictory ideas at the same time. People in providence or, at the very least, much of the leadership experience this feeling a lot, but either ignore it or push it aside but you get to a point where you can’t do that anymore.
One of the major things that I thought was wrong was the idea of not telling the truth. It was suppose to be the kingdom of God, heaven on earth, a place built on the promise of truth and love. But then the philosophy changed, “truth and love” became “the ends justify the means” and “love your enemy” turned into “reject the weeds.” The justification seems to be that if more people come to providence then it didn’t matter what deceptions were being propagated or what things were being omitted the ends justified the means. This seemed to be happening with out anyone saying anything. That just didn’t seem like a heavenly philosophy any more.
These are all really clinical thoughts as to why it is so difficult for someone to leave and this notion doesn’t even take into account aspects of faith or the fears associated with leaving. I’m not a doctor, nor do I have an advanced degree and yes it is possible to dispute the details of Maslow's theory. However, the basic argument of these few paragraphs is that providence fulfills certain basic human needs and that it is far easier to maintain the feeling of satisfaction, however artificial, than to give it up. That feeling when coupled with faith, the notion of the “never changing mind,” and fears of spiritual retribution for leaving make it really difficult for someone to listen to that inner voice.
